there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
