Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
