apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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