update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
