There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize