sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
