Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
