She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
