Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
