she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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