I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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