I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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