Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize