God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
