real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize