It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
