I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
