So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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