Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am one with the molecules
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
