I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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