He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
