There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
