Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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