Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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