Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
