Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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