I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize