I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
