I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
