I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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