The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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