At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize