I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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