You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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