I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
