a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize