glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
