apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
