I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
