Define "chronic" masturbator.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
