I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
