yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
