The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
