He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
