you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
