Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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