theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
