Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
