Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
