dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
