Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize