when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Drake has all the answers
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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