Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
