So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
