she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
