I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Randomize
