oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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