someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize