explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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