seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
