You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
