gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I believe in your delicious
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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