When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
