she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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