my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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