More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
