Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
